Coke vs Mountain Dew

My Son: Can I have a Coke instead of a Mountain Dew?

My Man: No.

Me: Why? What's the difference, they're both full of sugar & caffeine (frankly, I'd rather he didn't have either!)

My Man: Because Coke rots your guts.

Me: What?

My Man: You can only have Coke if it's mixed with rum. It cancels out the gut rotting stuff.

You gotta be kidding me, right? LOL